Haagen Heaven

This may sound a bit sacrilegious but eating Haagen Dazs ice cream bars is a spiritual experience for me. When I need a hiatus from the hustle - mothering, working, cooking, cleaning, laundering, etc. I drive myself to the gas station, as unassuming as it may seem, and pick out an almond and milk chocolate bar. 

It's so rich and indulgent. I usually don't make the 1-mile drive back to my house. I crack open that box and inner wrapper before I'm even out of the QuickTrip parking lot.

Then, gingerly I bite into the milk chocolate shell. I must be delicate because a forceful bite might crumble the coating and corrupt the experience. This needs to be savored, slowly. With that said, it shouldn't be surprising that I'm still working on it when I pull into my driveway. I sit in the car, this is too euphoric to interrupt by going inside. There is a 2-year-old and a husband in there, who will either expect me to share, or disturb my peace by talking to me. 

I can wait. 

I sit in the car. 

Alone. 

Nibbling.

The windows are rolled down, the engine is off and the seat is reclined. I'm elated and the breeze wafts through the car. The family doesn't even know I'm home, because deliberately I haven't opened the garage door. This is my time. Honestly, I'm not home. I'm enjoying a little piece of heaven. 

Boyz II Men

I saw them in concert this weekend. Mike is missing so we didn't get the baritone breakdowns, i.e. "Girl I'm sorry, please forgive me for all the wrong I've done."

But it was still utterly delightful! Husband and I both enjoyed them so. It begs the question "What ever happened to Boyz II Men?" They are still amazing singers and their songs are exceptionally romantic and touching. Once, around about 2001, Vibe magazine did a feature article on the boyz and the long and short of it was, that people were over R&B - just done listening to the harmonies and crooning. It was (and has been for some time now) the year of Hip Hop, a lot of bass, cursing and percussion. Didn't Lil' Wayne just beat Mariah Carey to platinum record sales? Whitney abandoned us for more street-inspired activities. Even Janet is on the hip hop bandwagon.

It doesn't matter. People like me and the hundreds who were gathered under the stars listening to the Water Run Dry, will maintain our support and appreciation for songs about love and heartbreak. The boyz haven't come to the end of the road yet. 

Purple is beautiful

I saw The Color Purple stage play last night. Look what God has done! Alice Walker's novel confirmed for me at age seventeen that I wanted to be a writer. I remember sitting in my bedroom one summer day and reading the entire book. I don't remember leaving the space. For hours, I read about Celie, her sister Netty and Mister. It was disturbing, amazing and inspiring. 

Was it fiction? Naw! The story was too good, you can't make that stuff up! I ended the day spent and ironically refreshed. The women - black women - in the story endured physical and sexual abuse, colonization, racism, incest, infidelity and remained strong. 

It makes me wonder about all the untold stories of our grandmothers and great grandmothers and their mothers. I think about the ones who were just as talented, if not more talented, than we are today. The ones who were smart enough to be engineers or astronauts, but unfortunately not privileged enough to be born into a time period and society that acknowledged them at all. 

Purple really gets me thinking that the tensions and stresses I face pale in comparison. I've never been enslaved, beaten or forbidden to learn. No one forced me to marry and my marriage doesn't require me to submit my will, passions or self-respect. 

In much of Walker's writing she refers to black women as the mules of the world, the ones who everyone rides on. The ones who carry the weight of everything, the bulk of the work. I'm not sure I believe that philosophy whole heartedly applies to today's black woman.  

However, I do understand it. 

I'm vividly aware of how we rank in society, the stereotypes, the misconceptions the errant perceptions and the accurate ones. Some of us are marginalized and misguided. Others fall at the opposite end of the spectrum. We've been educated, enlightened - and as such, elevated to a new ranking. One that often garners respect. Look what God has done.

Oh sister!

I have a kid sister.
She may be 6' 2'' but she is still the youngest, the baby.
Yes, she is my little sister.

Since infancy, she's had a way about her - a determination and proclivity to be wreckless, wild and live with astonishing abandon. As a baby, they defined her refusal to be calm or quiet as cholic. Then, as a toddler she set into disregarding the constructs and tradition of bed time. Regularly, we would find Sister sprawled out on the sofa in the morning with juice boxes strewn about and Barney or KidSongs VHS cassettes jutting from the VCR.

Occasionally a family member making a 3 a.m. run to the restroom would spot her there on the sofa engrossed and delighting in children's programming. She was left uninterrupted. It was her way.


During the elementary years, her school attendance became an issue. Sister forfeited as many school days as possible. One night I found a letter on the dining room table. It read:

Please, don't wake me up!

I am not planning to go to school today!

I woke up earlier (around 4:12) feeling very sick! So leave me B! PLEASE!

I'll go tomorrow. 

This note may have worked if I wasn't home from college to discover her proposal. It was about midnight when I spotted the decree, and showed it to my mother. Sister was 10 at the time.

Mother mastered the art of parent-teacher negotiations and streamlined the process of completing science fair projects - whatever it took to get Sister to the next semester, grade level, milestone. There were moments of promise. Once, Sister did take up basketball as an extracurricular. But during practice she asked the coach to be excused to drink some water. That was the last he saw of Sister.

Sister is 19 now, she's graduated from high school but her determination has not diminished. It's currently focused on doing precisely what makes her feel good instead of anything that will make her better. To my knowledge, her days are spent sleeping and the nights are full of shenanigans, i.e street fights, shoplifting, parties. If you ask her what she's doing with herself she will accurately tell you "Nothing." I wonder if that will ever will change.

Bleeding Love

I love reality TV shows. They're addictive. You're probably hooked on at least one of them too. How can we avoid it? They're on every network. And we get multiple versions of the same concept. Each station has a dance show, a talent competition and some form of game show.

I'm more into the performance variety, myself. I got it bad too.

If someone is dancing or singing. I'm watching it. Fox is where I get my best fixes.

I'm so fascinated. I think it's because I have an inner performer. I really admire people who have the audacity to use their gifts to make a living. It's not very practical if you think about it. It's rather courageous. I mean, I'd be hard pressed to get anyone to pay me for singing and dancing...although I love to do both. I'm still trying to find some people to pay me to write!

American Idol, Season 7 totally derailed my Bible study attendance. It's shameful. I know it, but I repented and God forgives me. I don't care what you think. Right now I'm devoted to So You Think You Can Dance. Can you blame me? Look at these children!

This is it!

I tried this blogging thing 2 years ago. I made about 3 entries and stopped. I didn't know what to write about, why I was doing it or really who would care. But I have a plan this time. 

I will keep my stories here. 

And do I have stories, good stories about having a toddler, being a woman, a wife and working for a faith-based organization that promulgates beliefs very different from my own. In this organization, I spent time as a receptionist. That's how I came to know a man named Jesus, and I'm not being spiritual. There is a gentlemen who identifies himself as "Christ" and visits my employer regularly. I'll tell his story later. 

Oh yes. I have stories to tell and a variety of other things I just need to get out of my head. 

At some point, I plan to drive potential employers here to sample my writing voice, my style, flow and grammatically correct copy. Publications don't live by faith, they believe only in those things that can be seen. 

See me write.